April Fool's Day, Chief Rumson. Part 4/8

Personal Log. Chief of Security, Fran Rumson. 04.01.3001.

Today, while running an integrity check of the hull, I initiated the program that commands the Liberace's nanobots to wash the ship's windows. Suddenly, our forward plasma cannons targeted four Corinthian satellites, destroying them.

We later discovered that the programs for the plasma cannons and window washers were switched, probably by some nit-wit junior programmer. If we had encountered any hostiles in that condition, we would have been caught with our pants down. (Unless of course those hostiles happened to be microscopic and could be easily destroyed by a mist of Windex Shine)

Still, after seeing those satellites explode, I couldn't help thinking of the war, recalling memories that I've tried so hard to bury - memories of that Arcadian P.O.W. camp, and the malicious ways in which we were tortured.

Later, I tried to take a nap to calm myself, but I had a dream where all around me I heard the voices of many men screaming. In the dream I was tied down and all I could see was an old hot-dog cooker slowly rolling several hot-dogs over the fryer. Even though I couldn't see the men who were screaming, I had this sixth sense about why they were in so much pain. It was because they were being forced to eat hot-dogs while their captors performed ritualistic circumcisions. Just as I saw a hot-dog floating towards me, and felt my zipper being pulled down, I woke up.

I explained the weapons malfunction, the recollection of my capture and the subsequent dream to Dr. Leary. He offered me a valium, but I explained that unless it erased my memory, it wasn't going to be much help. The Doctor pointed to his nose, gave a 'wink, wink' with his right eye and said, "Memories bad, memories sad, Dr. Leary make them go bye-bye with a quick dab and a jab." I declined, not really understanding his mumbo-jumbo. However, given that I briefly lost control of my bowels in both incidents, I did accept a package of Depends with black hole absorbency.