April Fool's Day, 1st Mate Beck. Part 3/8

Personal Log. 1st Mate Richard Beck. 04.01.3001

When Satan defied God, He cast the infidel into the pits of hell where Satan spends eternity enduring the fiery inferno.

Satan got off easy.

When I find the crotch sniffer who stole my guns and froze them in Jell-O molds, they are going to know the true meaning of pain.

After my daily hand to hand combat simulations, I returned to my quarters today to find a cornucopia of gelatin laid out on my kitchen table. I hate Jell-O. It is my belief that Jell-O is the dessert snack most preferred by candy-asses and rump rocket riders. Then, to add to the insult, I discovered that within the fruity guts of those quivering molds was my entire arsenal. Betty was trapped in lime green, Samantha was encased in tangerine orange and Mary –sweet, innocent Bloody Mary – was being violated by a towering husk of Strawberry and Banana delight. The hairy palm-pumper that caused this sacrilege even garnished the plates of Jell-O with melon balls and minced avocado.

When I find the repugnant slug that dared to touch my babies, I'm going to take a power washer connected to a vat of raspberry blue gelatin, shove the nozzle up their puckered rectum and fill their bowels with J-E-L-L-O!