Personal Log. Commodore's Liaison, Jean Sprat. 04.05.3001I averted a potentially catastrophic situation today. I didn't have any shoes that would match my pinstripe gray suit. Ultimately I took a pair of black loafers and placed them in a high intensity light chamber until they faded to a reasonable gray tone.
Oh, and the Commodore thought it would be a good idea if he piloted the ship today. Growing up with a personal driver his whole life, I wondered about his ability to fly an Intergalactic Cruiser. Unfortunately I wasn't able to say something in front of the crew, thereby undermining his authority.
Therefore, I transferred control of the Liberace from the Commodore's navigation panel to Pilot Vasquez and ran a session of the video game Asteroid 3000 on the Commodore's screen. Just to be on the safe side, I sent over Ped Varook to stand next to him while showing a healthy amount of cleavage.
If I've learned anything from being a woman, then a man, it's that men's attention span is severely debilitated when a pair of dirty pillows are bobbing in their face.
I was still a bit on edge, however. Officer Vasquez is so erratic. Without his medication, he could be mesmerized by just a shiny coin and never even notice that a star just went nova. Even when he is on his meds, he has the energy and fortitude of a slug on dopamine.
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