Tuesday, February 6

Jean Sprat in Wonderland: Part 4

Personal Log. Commodore's Liaison, Jean Sprat. 05.08.3001

Part 4

"You're not Jean Sprat," he said.

I looked at him with that expression you give when somebody says something really stupid at a very important moment in your life. It's the same expression a person gets when they're constipated. Grabbing his nose between my index and middle finger, I gave it a sharp twist.

"Yyyeeeoooowww!" Yo-Yo Ma yelped.

"What the hell are you talking about? Of course I am. You know full well who I am you little twerp. You made me what I am."

"No, no I didn't," he said nasally because I still had a good grip on his beak.

"Yes, yes you did," I said pulling his nose up and down like a marionette. "You recognized me right away Yo-Yo dumb ass."

There I went channeling 1st Mate Beck again.

"No, that wasn't me. That was my Grandfather."

"Right and this isn't my tally-whacker you attached to me," I said grabbing my crotch. "It's my Ma-Ma's."

An odd look came across his face and he shrugged apologetically. "Well, yeah, that's sort of correct," he said.

I squeezed his nose again which unfortunately was starting to run.

"Please, let me explain," moaned Yo-Yo.

I let him go and wiped my hand on his oxford shirt.

"Come back to my ship," he said while rubbing his bruised nose. "There I can explain everything."

"How about I take you back to my ship where I can pummel the truth out of you? I'm sure engineering wouldn't mind loaning me their blow-torch."

Yo-Yo went pale. "No, I swear to you. You'll want to see what I can show you. I'm not the man you remember abducting you. He was my Grandfather, but not in the traditional sense. I'm a clone, made from his cloned son. Just like you, Jean. You are not the original Jean Sprat. You are her cloned son."