Personal Log. Chief Engineer, Ped Varook. 03.31.3001.
At 1:32 AM, while I was in the second stage of nightly unconscious recuperation, I was visited by Commodore Ludwig and Chief Physician, Dr. Leary. I have not observed such behavior from humans as my superior and Dr. Leary were exhibiting. However, I have had little contact with the human species; therefore I concluded it to be a part of their nightly unconscious recuperation.
I allowed them entrance into my living quarters, whereby the Doctor spent much of his time studying a representation of the Cretian Goddess, Mulduk, the model by which Kundak created female Cretians. His only response was "Whoa, two vags. Wild, man, wild." He repeated this phrase exactly seven times. Commodore Ludwig wished that I partake of a human custom, or as he put it, "take a puff of this here blunt." The pungency of the emissions of the burning herb was too much for my sensitive nasal passages to endure, and I was forced to refuse. The Commodore's response was "Drag, man, what a drag. Bee-atch bringin' down the J-Lud. Yo' doc, let's hop-scotch this Debbie downer."
As the two left, Dr. Leary turned to me with a very peculiar expression and said, "Two vags, two muffs, let's DP this hunny like a pair of Chinese finger cuffs." The Doctor's words are a mystery even after I ran them through the universal translator. I asked Chief Communicator Mao Ling, a human linguist who understands over three dozen languages if she could make light of the Commodore's and Doctor's unusual behavior. All she said was "burnt-out, dead heads" while shaking her head. These humans are truly perplexing.
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