Personal Log. Ludwig from 1st Mate Beck. 04.15.3001.That moronic piece of varicose ass is going to have us busted down to shipping duty transporting herds of rat swine.* There is no way I'm letting Commodore Suck-nut flush my career down the crapper.
At approximately 1700 hours, Commodore Ludwig engaged in combat with a Voncat peacekeeping cruiser. Upon first contact, the Captain of the Voncat craft extended an invitation to dine with their crew where upon the Commodore inexplicably grabbed the controls for our forward phase cannons and fired upon the vessel. If Commodore Dim-wit's aim had been true, the poorly defended ship would have been annihilated. However, the Commodore's targeting was so poor you'd think a child who had been dropped on his head was playing with the controls. The Voncat ship took up a defensive position to our stern, unable to fight back.
Then, mumbling incoherently about New England clam chowder, the Commodore dumped our waste while trying to deploy a mine spread in our wake. Believing our own garbage was the wreckage of a destroyed ship, the Commodore ordered us to continue on our way.
Chief of Communication, Mao Ling tried to issue a sincere apology to the Voncat craft, but it flew beyond our scanners without a response. Later, it was determined that the Commodore may have been suffering from the flu. Personally I think he's a bombastic baboon fresh out of the booby hatch.
I don't care what Admiral's loins he's the rotted fruit of. One more, just one more cockamamie antic from that gangrenous cow teat and I'll atomically attach his head to his butt cheeks so he can see just how far I can shove my foot up his Hershey highway.
* A rat swine is a product of the cross genealogy craze in the 2990s. It is a half rodent, half pig splicing. Most such creatures were destroyed or died out due to the inability to reproduce. Rat swines, however, showed a propensity for survival and are incidentally delicious barbecued with a side of cheddar mashed potatoes.
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