Personal Journal. 1st Lieutenant Greeg'u. 05.05.3001.(English Translation)
Today I went before the Arcadian High Command to hear their judgment on my failure. I was much surprised to see Emperor Plu'boi in attendance, and even more amazed that he was there to pass judgment personally. After my crime was read back to me, Plu'boi stood to a thunderous applause by the hundreds in attendance and with two words determined my punishment.
"Flooed Gauntlet," he yelled to an equally boisterous applause.
On the outside I was careful to keep my head held high and level and my tentacles in a respectable motion, but inside I was drowning in mortification. The Flooed Gauntlet is one of the most grievous humiliations. It was devised by Emperor Plu'boi himself, and entails the condemned to walk a long stretch of road with counsel members crowding the sidewalk on either side of you. As you walk, the counsel members pelt you with the testicles of captured humans. Since the conflict with those repugnant humans began, their reproductive sacks have been considered prized trophies. So to be bludgeoned by human testicles is a vile degradation.
Still, I am an Arcadian, and I walked the Flooed Gauntlet with as much dignity as I could muster, even as testicle after testicle in varying degrees of freshness, slapped against my exposed body.
Despite the jeers by all who watched and the lasciviousness of the situation, Emperor Plu'boi appeared impressed at my resolve to accept my punishment. He has granted me the opportunity to regain my pride which can only be achieved by hunting down the vile humans that escaped me in the first place.
When I returned home I threw out my past trophies. I'm about to start a new collection. It will begin with the testicle of the commander of that ship – the one our intelligence has discovered to be the S.S. Liberace.
Death to humans.
No comments:
Post a Comment