Selection from Arcadian Emperor Plu'boi's Memoirs. 05.05.3001
(English Translation)
Today was a good day. I got to put some poor schmuck through the Flooed Gauntlet. It was hysterical. I laughed so hard I wet my throne. By far the Flooed Gauntlet was the best punishment I ever came up with. It was funny enough that I decreed that the reproductive organs of humans are trophies of war, and then everyone started putting them on their mantles and bedside tables. Being such an enigmatic ruler, I took it a step further and invented a reprimand where I get to watch somebody get lambasted with testicles – it's just priceless.
Oh, it's so good to be Emperor.
I'm thinking of going even further – maybe douse the punished in something really sticky, and then cover them in human hair before bombarding them with human genitals. That'll get so many laughs. I've heard of a human custom called "show tunes". As an added kick we could dress them up in a ball gown and make them perform these "show tunes." You can't go wrong with really hairy and emasculated live entertainment.
Oh, I might as well get a throne that flushes.
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